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I have been friends for over two decades, a person who's overcome several hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's constantly caught off guard by people. Her partner walked away, which came as an unexpected event. Many of close acquaintances disappeared during that time, since they had been drawn to her husband. She was stunned by her deeply. She put in increased attention to be my friend, and must have grasped more clearly what friendship was.

The Pattern of Disappearance

In the time since, several of her friends vanished without her being knowing the cause. Her last employer became hostile, although she was highly competent, her exit happened unaware of what had changed.

Current Dynamics

Lately, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding my position in the relationship feels one-sided. I open topics of conversation only for her to redirect the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest factchecking and different perspectives.

She's been planning a trip to a nation I know well on several occasions even called home for a while. I tried to offer advice, however, my input not welcomed. She essentially solely sought validation of her choices. I've just returned from a month in that country she hopes to reconnect, however, I hesitate.

Considering the Choices

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly abruptly, yet I doubt she'll truly understand the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Potential Solutions

You could walk away, but it is seldom a smooth outcome we imagine. However, addressing it with the goal of a solution requires bravery and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a practical approach to handling disagreements:

"The first step requires explaining how things go in your conversations. It should be objective and clear and basically exactly what occurs. Next is to tell how this affects you emotionally. There should be no disagreement on this point. Your feelings are valid, after all. The third step is to ask ways you together going to change the interaction between you."

Keep in mind your friend has a point of view, meaning you must to be prepared to listen to her. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Now you talk and I'm going to remain silent for half an hour."

It's wildly successful for promoting mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She may dismiss your concerns, since certain individuals cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a narrative of their life they cannot release because their very survival is tied to it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough when there seems no easy route in such cases, just dead ends. However, she might initially present like this then consider your perspective. If you never reach a fix, it will give you satisfaction from having been honest with her.